Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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