Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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