she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
