If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
