Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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