I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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