I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
