If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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