they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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