In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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