I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
