i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
