By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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