maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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