please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
