In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
