so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
