Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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