I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
