She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
