I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
