Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
