chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
