So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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