I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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