So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize