you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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