Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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