I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
