Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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