My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
