Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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