I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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