if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
