he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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