My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
