I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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