It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize