Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
