He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
