Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
