Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
