I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
