Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize