went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
