Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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