Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
