Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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