dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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