so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
