We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
