yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
