One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
