I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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