You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
