there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
