Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
