my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She even gives head with a lisp.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize