I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
