I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
