I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
