i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
