my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
