I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
