I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
