Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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