i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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