I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
