Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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