I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my vagina is haunted
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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